I was having lunch with an old friend a few months back -- He is still coasting at one of the big companies that I used work for. We decided on tacos from Mi Pueblo on Rengstorff -- which are simply killer, if you've not had them before. But I digress... As we were reminiscing about office politics, promotions, and projects-gone-wild, I began to feel my heart-rate go up and my ears begin to ring. At first I thought it was the carnitas, but then I realized that in the act of recalling my former life, my baser instincts were vying for control of my lizard-brain. Ever aware, my friend quickly responded by dousing me with an ice-cold horchata.
But that chat got me to thinking about how life at a big company is so different from where I am now. That night I plopped down in front of the pc and re-visited the attics of my mind to see if I could recall and capture some of the corporate survival skills I'd learned while working in these big firms. An hour later, I had a long list of "rules" dredged from my years at Apple, AOL, and eBay. In no particular order, here's the first one:
Rule #19: Never walk anywhere empty handed.
When you watch someone walk by with a notebook or a laptop in hand, they could only be headed someplace important, right? But if they're empty handed? He's a slacker -- either headed to the john or out to lunch.
Since the opinions of others are going to shape your success, their perceptions of you in the office are obviously critical. But the larger the company, the fewer chances you're going to have to influence someone's opinion of you. Afterall, everyone is trying to claw their way up management's backside and nobody has the time to stop and consider your contributions. Bottom line: you've got to scrape for any opportunity you can get.
And what better opportunity than randomly circling the hallways? After all, you're not going to make it to the Bigs by stowing away in your cubicle. You've got to get out and make yourself known -- let the others know you've got Moxie(tm)... Your ultimate goal is to put on an exhibition that makes them sit-up and take notice.
The Notebook
So start today by employing the most rudimentary of office staples: the paper notebook. Walk over to the supply cabinet and select a nice, meaty notebook -- one with heft that inspires confidence (always clutching it firmly in your left-hand so you can keep the right available for a gratuitous handshake with management). Now take it for a spin around the building -- nice and easy -- maybe a floor or two. Watch how others perk up and pay attention to your new "can-do" attitude. Now return it to your cube and do another lap or two without it. Feel the difference? You may as well be naked. Now retrieve your notebook and do another few laps to regain your new-gained stature.
The Mobile Phone
Once you've mastered the notebook, it's time to move to the next level by mixing in the mobile phone. Remember, you're doing this for effect (i.e. you're not really talking to anyone), so always keep the handset glued to your ear - no bluetooth or microphone headsets, please. You can hear the boss now: Look at Jones. He's not only on his way to an important meeting... he's *in* a meeting on his way to a meeting. Why haven't I noticed this Jones character before? I like the cut of his jib!"
The Entourage
And while the notebook and phone should be enough to get you kicked-up a peg or two, the real coup-de-gras is staging an entourage. An entourage is the pinnacle of illusory self-importance -- it says to the entire world that you've arrived. And all it takes is convincing a group of your office mates to walk just a half-step behind you as you march down the hallways. It's best to practice with a single wing-man -- preferably in the left-rear position, which keeps him in your opponent's blind-spot, and means the focus is always on you. Then, once you've got this down you can increase the size of your entourage as necessary. Of course, everyone on the team should be equipped with at least a notebook, but extra marks for accessorizing with large rolled-up gantt charts, forecasting graphs, or glossy marketing handouts.
Now you are rolling...
A final caveat -- remember to keep moving at all times. Standing still invites engagement, and nothing is more likely to ruin the effect than dead air. And unless absolutely necessary, avoid the elevator at all costs -- you're captive and everyone knows your mobile phone doesn't work in there.
Oh, and don't forget to get a pedometer -- so you can chart your daily progress to the top of the heap ~