It's not too often
that I get to recommend
a true sausage-fest
I'm generally leery of all-you-can-eat places. Not that I'm uninterested in a good bargain - it's just that the quality to quantity ratio is too far out of whack. There are rare exceptions (e.g. Palace BBQ in Santa Clara) but generally I steer clear... (heh, he said steer)
So when R suggested a place up in SF called "Espetus" -- a Brazillian Churrascaria -- for lunch, I was skeptical. I did the requisite reconnaissance on Yelp and Chowhound to see what I was getting myself into, and the reviews were mixed enough that I still wasn't convinced. But, we went anyway - and lo and behold it was pretty good. Based on the negative reviews, though, I have a feeling we got lucky with logistics. So let me address each of the complaints by theme, in an effort to maximize your meat-fest, should you choose to go.
#1 "Too much meat"
First, if you've never been to a Churrascaria, it's all about meat. If you are vegetarian, don't go because you will be horrified when the first waiter approaches your table with ten pounds of steaming sirloin impaled on a sword. The way it works is, you are first seated and offered drinks, and then you amble back to the salad bar and are encouraged to gorge on grilled vegetables and the like. Think of this part as the vermouth in a very dry martini:
you just want a hint of health-consciousness before the meat comes. Then the meat starts to come. The aforementioned waitstaff whisks by with sword after sword of glistening meat. And they keep coming until you just can't take it anymore. So, if you don't like meat... you have no business here: Oh, and to milk (heh) the double-entendres, the ratio of guys to gals in this establishment was probably 7:1 - that's both staff and diners. Meat-fest.
#2 "Too crowded"
The tables are precariously close together, and if they were at capacity, I can understand this beef (ok, I'll stop). But we arrived just as they opened on Sunday, at noon. The place was practically empty because we were the first ones there (and it was Sunday after all), and it really didn't fill-up until around 1:30 and by that time we were done. We got a choice table right in front of the large windows overlooking Market. The restaurant faces South, so it was flooded with sunlight and was quite warm and cheery. Oh, plus we were able to street-park for free on Gough about 100 yards away. Yeah Sunday.
#3 "Too expensive"
Yelp quoted $45-$60 per person, which seemed steep, but worth a try. We actually weren't shown menus (only a drink menu) so we were expecting about $120 all told. But when the bill came, it turned out it was only $30 per person, which seemed really reasonable given the quality and quantity involved. It must have been the lunch price? If this is still beyond your means, how about this place?
#4 "Meat too dry or bland"
I actually couldn't tell from looking at what they were serving whether it would be any good or not until I tasted it. Sirloin that looked over-cooked was incredibly juicy, whereas a piece of porkloin I had that looked great was over-cooked. Luckily, you have seven or eight different meats to choose from, so you should just try them all as they come by and stick with the ones you like. In my case, the the Parmesan-encrusted Pork cubes and the Chicken Legs were excellent, while the Top-Sirloin was great, too. I tried Chicken Hearts for the first time, and thought there were remarkably good for 'innards'. While some meats were a little dry (the sausage, for example), I didn't taste anything that was remotely bland. They are not afraid of the salt here (nor should you be, if you plan to eat here).
#5 "Food Coma"
C'mon, it's all-you-can-eat-meat! I don't think I could do this for dinner - there's no way I'd be able to sleep later. You need a full 8-12 hours to work this one off. The only downer about lunch is that they don't have the grilled shrimp or pineapple that people raved about in the reviews. I'll get around to trying that some day, but for now, a mid-day feast is about all I can probably handle. Also of note was their salad bar, drinks, and hors-d'oerves: R decided on pineapple juice with mint, which was quite nice, while I had the Capinheira - a cocktail of crushed limes, sugar and rum. A bit like a mojito without the mint, or slightly margarita-esque. Quite good, and the sourness is a great way to cut the heaviness of the meat. The salad bar was impressive - lost more than just the regular fodder of lettuce and tomatoes -- they had a lot of great bean dishes, a coconut-fish, standard salad fare, and some nice olives. They also serve these tiny cheese rolls and fried bananas when you sit down that were pretty good.
So the next time you've got a hankerin' for some serious beef/pork/chicken/etc, keep Espetus in mind. For lunch. On a Sunday. At exactly 12:00pm.
Espetus Churrascaria
1686 Market St.
San Francisco, CA 94102
415-552-8792